A couple of years ago, my friend Jioux was sad and never wanted to have any fun. From August 2-10, 2006, Deputy Grutch and I wrote messages on Jioux’s public myspace wall, trying to get him to join us on our New York trip. He didn’t respond to any of our comments, likely because they [...]
You’re in a theater. The lights go down and words start coming up. Names of people and their job titles flash before your eyes. You are witnessing that high-octane moment in movie watching known as the opening credit sequence. TEXT! Boom.
It should be obvious to even the most dimwitted individual with an [...]
I call it the Coffee-Flavored Beverening of America or the PG-13ization of America. Here are Dr. Gonzo Kablaa’s views on the subject, as expressed in an essay written a few years ago:
Wake up and smell the Maple Nut Crunch! So says Matthew Kostecki, quoting Denis Leary. The great demise of coffee flavored coffee has [...]
“You must be one of the gays.”
- Thomas Jefferson, to someone who questioned whether his Declaration of Independence was really necessary.
“It’s clobberin’ time!”
- Teddy Roosevelt, right before the Battle of Roughridersburg. He was shot eleven times during the battle, and not once did he lose his glasses or his perma-smile.
“Fuck you.”
- Rosa Parks, to [...]
A few years ago, Dr. Kablaa told me to introduce myself to his friend Kari on Instant Messenger. Here is that conversation in its entirety.
lordsCORpioN888: I suggest you dig meathooks into your nipples and get dragged around behind a semi truck that advertises baby food but is really full of aborted fetuses. You will [...]
The crops of Paragonicar grew tall and bore much fruit. The townsfolk knew they required his services for he was one who exuded much LIFE FORCE. The neighbor of Paragonicar was Doltinadaftus, a farmer of much less successful crop.
After a night of drinking, Doltinadaftus went to Paragonicar’s home to find him making his [...]