A friend of mine – I’ll call him Jim – graduated #1 in his class at his college. He planned on going to law school, so he took the LSAT and got a 173, which is pretty damn good. Then the application process started. Many 4th tier law schools wanted Jim to [...]
It was probably around the time Ewan McGregor tried to make eye contact with Jar Jar Binks that I thought movies were in for some rough times. McGregor looked in the general direction of the Gungan retard, but not exactly at him. He seemed to be looking either through or a few inches in front [...]
“Can it be true?” questioned the prophet. “Is grutch really a communist beverage?”
He pinched his whiskered chin between his fingers and began walking back and forth.
“Let’s consider the evidence. First of all, virtually everyone likes grutch and what it does to them. It is true that everyone likes to breathe as well, but [...]
I’ve made “Top 100 Movies” lists before, and I usually end up including movies with significant flaws just so that I can get to 100. Although no movie is flawless, my Top 25 consists of movies that, for me, most closely approximate perfection in filmmaking. My comments are not going to be lengthy. [...]
There is a problem in Chicago, and it is a problem that is easy to solve. The problem is the Chicago Hobo.
(Photo right: Your ordinary garden variety hobo who has fun with his plight is not to be found in Chicago.)
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not urging for a liberal-minded War On Poverty; I’m [...]
Paul Troon reckoned it was time he got hisself a comely lass of virtue true.
“I want a woman with worldly experience!” he said to the lowly sparrow.
And so it came to pass that he courted a woman of prostutnik inclinations.
“This is too much fornication to be borne! There must be more to love than [...]
DAY THREE – OUTSIDER ART AND FOLK ART ARE THE KINDS OF ART MADE BY CRIMINALS, HOBOS AND RETARDS
Oh fuck, my head hurts! Much too grutch the previous night! Today was going to be the day we visit the Museum of Modern Art (MoMA). The real trick would be to appreciate all [...]
From the files of Deputy John Grutch:
The other day, I met a funny Non-Dead Old-Dead-Timer. I was working at the courthouse, when a small elderly man came in. I saw that he was wearing a “World War II-Korea War Veteran” hat. He asked if he had to go through the metal detector, and [...]
DAY ONE – AH, MANHATTAN! A FINE SIGHT FOR A KNICKERBOCKER SUCH AS MYSELF!
We boarded the plane without another thought for Jioux, the one who would not be joining us in the LAND BEYOND THE WEST. Besides, our brains were concerned with other things, especially the headaches, which were from heavy alcohol consumption [...]
I really like the Shel Silverstein poem “Hungry Mungry”. It’s about a guy who eats a lot of stuff. I think he might eat the entire world by the end of the poem, but I’m not sure. I didn’t read it very carefully, but it’s my favorite poem by my favorite poet.
The Giving Tree is [...]