Dr. Gonzo Kablaa’s winning short story for the 2010 Lord Scorpion Short Story Contest:
Crag Dakkins walked into a bar. Shortly thereafter, he drew a gun from his waistband, pointed the barrel of said gun under his chin, and blew the top of his head off, thereby exiting his brains from his skull. His newly dead [...]
“You thought I was GAY???”
This is said by the spitting image of Charles Nelson Reilly.
“Heh,” I laugh.
“Why would you ever think THAT?” His limp wrist is flipping his hand like a suffocating fish, gesturing toward me and then back to his chest – or “breast” as I imagine he calls it.
“OK, you’ve made your point,” [...]
The Darcy twins had a curious combination of attributes. On the one hand, they were considered by many of their sophomore classmates to be the most attractive girls in the school. On the other hand, they were considered by many of these same people to be the most repulsive girls in the school. In boys’ [...]
People tend to go nuts for the stupidest reasons. Case in point: Future Megastore is having a sale right now and a near-riot is occurring.
I’m trying to return a computer and the jerkoff manager is telling me that Future Megastore will no longer honor warranties or accept returns. It’s really hard for me to hear [...]
Detective Billingsley stood in the rain looking at the light coming from the second-story apartment window. He had come this far and now that his cigarettes had been ruined by the rain, he figured he better finish it. Otherwise, he would have nothing else to do this evening.
Detective Billingsley, or Detective B as his fellow [...]
“It’s not only the population increase and its resulting increase in egalitarian ethics. The advancement of technology is to blame, too.”
Grandpa rocked in his chair on the porch. Billy played with his Hot Wheels and tried to listen to Grandpa at the same time. Listening to Grandpa’s stories was hard for Billy. Grandpa always talked [...]
The following is Chuckminsterfullerene’s winning entry in the 2009 Lord Scorpion Short Story Contest – for which he won $75. The story hasn’t been edited in any way.
I love Autumn. It’s my 4th favorite season. It’s also known as Fall. Maybe because the leaves turn beautiful colors then fall from the tree. I remember, as [...]
Here’s a story I wrote during my lunch break around the water cooler one day. I don’t like it very much.
Around The Water Cooler
Jimmy Piersall got killed this morning. I don’t know how or why, or even IF he got killed. But I know it happened, cuz I saw it. Do [...]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0TPbpvP-okM
The summer colors gave way to the high contrast blacks and whites of autumn as Mickey steered the steamship “Discovery” down the Mighty Mississippi. Mickey had just been hired as a shipmate by Steamboat Willie, reportedly the surliest of all the local steamboat captains. This didn’t frighten Mickey so much, for he was a mouse [...]
Doug Willis and I had a conversation circa 2001:
Crag: I need an idea for a short story.
Doug: Write a story about someone who can’t open a jar of pickles.
Crag: OK.
And so…
THE PICKLE JAR
That damn jar of pickles. I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried and tried, but I just can’t open that jar [...]