By Crag Dakkins
Nickasun drove through the empty urban streets on a quiet night, every once in a while slapping his face to wake up and correct his erratic steering. He was very close to his destination. Through darkest woods, down winding country roads, into AIDS-infested crack-alleys, out of boggy marshes, and occasionally hooking up with [...]
By Dr. Gonzo Kablaa
Shitface stood in a damp basement. It smelled like a mixture of flour and blood. He prodded the body of the man on the floor and shined his flashlight on his face. Then he looked back at the ID and note card he had taken from the body, the latter of which [...]
By Crag Dakkins
“Looks like a trail of blood.”
“Seems to be.”
“Goes into the storm drain, it appears.”
“I would say that’s a good assessment.”
“Agreed. Sums up the situation pretty well.”
“Male or female blood, do you suppose?”
“Well, blood all looks the same, doesn’t it? But I’m veering toward male. You know, since the trail came from that firefight. [...]
By Dr. Gonzo Kablaa
Nickasun was getting tired. Very tired. His adrenaline rush had long since dissipated. He had been driving for 14 hours, and was well outside of the city. Well away from Shitface and Asscock, well away from dead Eye Patch and dead Unlucky Cat and dead cab driver, and well away from Negrosun. [...]
By Crag Dakkins
When Sofia woke up this morning encased in her soft, smooth, creamy epidermis, she knew someone was going to ask her about Crag today. She could feel it in her boobs. Her fleshy boobs. They were shapely – like her hips and butt, but more mammary. Feminine softness was sexy to Sofia. Her [...]
By Dr. Gonzo Kablaa
Sergeant Nozick was standing around in Detective Jenkins’ office. He had been bored, and he had decided to ask someone about the Club Blue Balls collapse that happened yesterday. So he walked to Jenkins’s office and found Jenkins. Even though, all things considered, Detective Jenkins should’ve probably still been in the hospital. [...]
By Dr. Gonzo Kablaa
No one hated Shitface. Mostly because people were too scared of Shitface to hate Shitface. Shitface was an angry man, and this anger terrified everyone else at the department. At the moment, though, things were relatively calm.
Then “American Pie” started playing on the boom box.
“TURN THAT FUCKING SHIT OFF!” Shitface screamed. Rather [...]
By Crag Dakkins
For a second Asscock thought he was going to need his crow bar to pry the boards off the door. A light tough of his hand, though, proved this would be unnecessary. The boards, the door, and much of the surrounding doorframe crumbled away in a shower of blocks.
Reports were made of Extreme [...]
By Dr. Gonzo Kablaa
The taxi cab’s radio started playing “You Make My Dreams Come True” as it drove down 4th Avenue. Nickasun’s heart was racing. His hands were shaking. Approximately 15 minutes ago, he had walked right out of a police department, right out the door, and hailed a taxi cab. Never before had he [...]
By Crag Dakkins
GRUTCH: My attorney is very useful, despite his racial handicap. I think he’s Samoan.
NICKASUN: What?
GRUTCH: You remind me of a movie. Hop in.
NICKASUN: Where are we going?
GRUTCH: Is Pancake’s House still here?
NICKASUN: What’s that?
GRUTCH: What does it sound like to you?
NICKASUN: A place with pancakes?
GRUTCH: Very good. Pancakes would cromulate right about now. [...]