Editor’s Note: For some time now, I’ve been trying to convince The Shogun (Formerly) of Stanford to share some of his wisdom about the harsh, brutal world on the CE site. He had balked, probably out of a belief that his serious scholarly approach to writing wouldn’t jibe with this site’s dyke-fisting art, essays on [...]
CHICAGO – In the midst of Inning the Seventh of a smashing-good Base-Ball game between the New York Mutuals and the Chicago White Stockings, Chicago’s own Man-About-Town and shoe-sole magnate Ashleydale Ascotcumberbundsburg demonstrated for the captivated throng the procedure with which one transmits messages over the remarkable Bell Engine which was invented by the esteemed [...]
A friend of mine died on Sunday. He pushed it to the limit for about seven years. He walked along the razor’s edge, never looked down, just kept his head, for he knew otherwise he’d be finished. On Sunday, he did look down…and experienced Sudden Catastrophic Failure.
There I was, watching an Angry Video Game Nerd [...]
Editor’s Note: Deputy Grutch occasionally speaks in metaphors and non-sequiturs and non-sequitur-metaphors. To clear up some confusion, I’ve marked these with parenthetical numbers and provided a guide at the end. Fuck you.
Saturday was going to be a cromulent (2) day. The hospital staff had steadily unplugged Mrs. Deputy Grutch from the infrastructure necessary to [...]
Hit Me Baby…For The First Time?
A pop icon shows that the joke is on us
By Will Wilmington
SCUD magazine
Issue #65
November 1, 2008
Can we take her seriously anymore?
The pop star shrugs; wonders if “seriously” is the way people ever took her. She says things will probably be the same. She says that coming forward about [...]
Doug Willis and I had a conversation circa 2001:
Crag: I need an idea for a short story.
Doug: Write a story about someone who can’t open a jar of pickles.
Crag: OK.
And so…
THE PICKLE JAR
That damn jar of pickles. I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried and tried, but I just can’t open that jar [...]